


Bare

by Meriyanna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Freeform, Hinata Shouyou is a Dork, I just can't write for Aone convincingly!!, Ice Skating, Jealous Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio is a Dork, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Minor Aohina, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, POV Kageyama Tobio, Pining Oikawa Tooru, oikage, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 17:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13194840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meriyanna/pseuds/Meriyanna
Summary: “I’ll have to see your routines without music, again.” Oikawa complained.Tobio gave a grunt of affirmation. The other skaters were taking the ice but he lingered to feel that butterfly in his chest that expanded when Oikawa deigned to speak to him.“When am I going to get to hear it? You changed both of them and Coach won’t tell me what to.”“You can hear it tomorrow.”“Tomorrow as in the competition? I want to hear it before that!”Tobio had to press his lips together to stop his smile. He’d never tell anyone that Oikawa’s incessant whining endeared him all the more. There was a reason though, that Oikawa couldn’t know. He was the inspiration for his music choices after all.“Don’t you want to be surprised?”“I hate surprises.” His pout became more pronounced, as it always did when he felt he was fighting a losing battle.“Well, you’ll hate this one especially.”





	Bare

 

He waited for his turn on the ice, watching the others wrap up their routines with what looked like perfection even though their music was absent. Jumps. That’s where he was lacking. Step sequence. Okay, no,  _ that _ was where he was lacking. If you asked Tobio what he should work on he would reply 'everything’ though in the back of his mind he knew where he truly fell short.

He heard the announcers when he rewatched his performances. It was ever the same. The remarks about his technique were always glowing, bordering on bias, as if he could hear them and would reward them for kissing his ass. 

They always seemed to change their tone a minute or so into his routines. Apparently his pieces lacked feeling. His movements were so textbook that they never feel in line with his music selection. No matter how perfectly he performed, Tobio’s standoffish nature reflected itself when he skated.

Not like Hinata. Hinata was all feeling and no technique. He could fall five times on the ice and still earn a score close to Tobio's. It aggravated him to no end. His jumps were flawed and his step sequences seemed elementary, yet even Tobio was drawn into the performance. He would watch with fascination, only realizing how enraptured he had been until the music stopped and the cheers began.

It was no wonder, then, that Oikawa Tooru and taken a special interest in Hinata a few years ago. Tobio thought bitterly of their first interaction.

 

_ His senior debut had been fine. Good. More than most people would hope for. Tobio tried to enjoy the murmurs of affirmation his coach whispered in his ear but he was too focused on Oikawa’s face. It was, pleased, one could say, but Tobio saw deeper to the disappointment underneath.  _

_ Oikawa had helped prepare him for his debut, though they would both deny it. Their relationship was precarious, neither wanting to admit the admiration they had for the other, both bitter that their talents could be matched. Still, the snide remarks from his elder had served as actual advice once you got past the tone in which they were said.  _

_ And he had tried, he really had, but that face meant he was lacking something. It was what he saw as he sat and waited for his results. The image seemed to muffle all of his senses, his final score just barely getting through.  _

_ First place by a long shot. So far, at least. There was still one skater to go, a name he’d never heard then he skated in the junior division. It seemed unlikely that this new skater would best him and the win tasted like lead on his tongue. _

_ When the music started his head mechanically turned to the ice. The contestant was small, better stature for figure skating than Tobio, and their hair was such bright orange he wondered if they dyed it to be more recognizable. They moved with such surprising grace that the fog of displeasure lifted enough for him to focus fully on the boy gliding across the ice. _

_ They stepped out on their first big jump and wobbled a little on their skates. While Tobio’s expression would have clouded over (he knew how transparent he was) the skater on the ice beamed. It was vexing. He obviously had talent and yet this was the first Tobio had ever heard of Hinata Shouyou. The more he watched and the more he thought the angrier he became.  _

_ On the next jump combination the mental pressure building up in his head snapped. Who was Hinata? Why on earth was he just now showing up when it was clear he could have been competing sooner? How does he look so graceful even when he’s making obvious mistakes? Why was he so  _ good _ even when he was so  _ bad _?  _

_ When his eyes shifted to Oikawa, as they were wont to do, he could very well have climbed onto the ice and throttled Hinata. Why did Oikawa look so intensely captivated? His mouth was turned up ever so slightly in the corners, the silent approval Tobio so rarely received. His eyes were lit up with excitement watching the bumbling skater muck his way through his program. _

_ His suit was suddenly too hot. Hotter than it had been during the climax of his performance. He felt sticky and sluggish and his stomach rolled. To his horror his eyes began to sting and he turned away quickly, hand to his face leaving the other to hold him up on the side of the rink. He needed to leave, leave right away, before he lost the stomach acid that was climbing up his esophagus. _

_ In the deserted arena hallways he found he could breathe deeper. Away from Hinata and Oikawa it felt cooler though he still unzipped his suit slightly so he could feel the chill on his back. There was a sudden roar from the crowd and he knew Hinata’s skate was over. He took a few more deep breaths and prepared to turn back to the arena. _

_ “Tobio-chan, Chibi-skater has finished. It’s time to hear the final scores.” _

_ All the air he’d been breathing caught in his throat. Why on this wide earth had Oikawa been the one to retrieve him? Why had he even come in the first place? He wasn’t skating in this competition, he didn’t need to skate regionals, he already qualified for nationals.  _

_ ‘ _ To see you fail. That’s why he came. To see you disappoint him. _ ’  _

_ Any semblance of calm he’d managed now eluded him in the wake of his self deprecation. Maybe what he thought wasn’t the truth, but the mere possibility that it could be put him on edge. He turned to see Oikawa staring at him carefully, like one waiting for a child to throw a tantrum. Tobio felt his heart bleed. He’d just made his senior debut at seventeen but maybe to Oikawa he would always be a child. _

_ Tobio said nothing as he pushed his way back into the arena. It wasn’t necessary, the halls were quite wide enough to fit them both, but he was angry and hurt and couldn’t control the impulse he felt to be near Oikawa in some way. Pathetic.  _

_ After that moment time and reality seemed to detach from him. He breathed and moved and spoke while everything around him spun with seemingly little order. There were vague realizations. He did indeed place first and the only other contestant whose name he bothered to remember, Hinata Shouyou, had placed third. The notion that they were heading back to their hotel, that they were ordering dinner, that they were speaking about their train ride home, did nothing to pull him from his haze. _

_ Not until he heard  _ that _ laugh. Oikawa’s laugh. In the lobby on the way to the elevators after leaving the restaurant he heard that laugh and his perception snapped back into focus with the sharp pain of a rubber band stretched nearly too far. _

_ Oikawa and Hinata were standing close together by the plush chairs nobody seemed to ever sit in. They seemed to be coming from the hotel restaurant as well which brought about the first and only round of concern in Tobio. Had Hinata been there the whole time? It certainly seemed, as he watched the two lean in conspiratorially, that they had had enough time to become quite close. Did Hinata leave the arena with them? His haze from before did nothing to help him draw out the answers to his questions. _

_ Now, in close proximity, Oikawa still looked enraptured with the tiny skater in front of him. It was the kind of expression Tobio knew he’d never be able to draw from him, not even by the time he would eventually retire from skating. He felt sick as he had in the arena but with little options as to where he could run away and collect himself. _

_ It was different this time too because they were both right there. It was no longer one skater appreciating another, it was one person enjoying the company of the other. He watched the animated faces of the two before him and leaned into the sick. Let it embrace him in place of something good but it was warm, this feeling. It burned like anger and gave him strength. _

_ Before he knew it he was walking forward, shoving himself between the two sudden friends, and glowering down at Hinata. _

_ “What have you been doing these past few years?” _

 

The chime of the elevator had allowed him a speedy exit after that, for which he was thankful. False confidence that came from fear, or anger, or heartbreak never lasted long and it seemed his had abbatted right as his words left his throat.

His eyes flickered over to where Oikawa was waiting for Hinata at the edge of the rink, no doubt with words of praise even though he’d fallen constantly. There was another man there, much to large to be anything other than some sort of trainer, standing stoically as Oikawa and Hinata talked animatedly next to him. 

Tobio mused about the times he’d seen that man before as the ice was wiped down for him and a few others to practice. It had been obvious from the first encounter that the guy was there mainly for Hinata. The small, excitable skater always clung to his larger friends arm in a way, Tobio had decided, wasn’t at all just  _ friendly _ . It begged the question of what type of relationship they had, at least for him. Anything that could keep Oikawa and Hinata from getting closer than they already were.

Just as the machines were leaving the ice, Oikawa bid his friends farewell and sauntered toward Tobio.

“I’ll have to see your routines without music,  _ again. _ ” Oikawa complained.

Tobio gave a grunt of affirmation. The other skaters were taking the ice but he lingered to feel that butterfly in his chest that expanded when Oikawa deigned to speak to him.

“When am I going to get to hear it? You changed both of them and Coach won’t tell me what to.”

“You can hear it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow as in the competition? I want to hear it before that!” 

Tobio had to press his lips together to stop his smile. He’d never tell anyone that Oikawa’s incessant whining endeared him all the more. There was a reason though, that Oikawa couldn’t know. He was the inspiration for his music choices after all.

“Don’t you want to be surprised?”

“I  _ hate _ surprises.” His pout became more pronounced, as it always did when he felt he was fighting a losing battle.

“Well, you’ll hate this one especially.”

Tobio said it before he could stop himself and looked, mortified, at Oikawa’s raised brow. It wouldn’t do to have him more curious than he already was. What very little confidence Tobio had in his decision to completely change his music would disappear completely if Oikawa had any notion of the songs and their meanings.

He turned to the ice right away, knowing that an abrupt exit was always better than an awkward one. Well, a  _ more _ awkward one anyway. Oikawa’s fingers brushed against his own as he left, possibly to question him further but Tobio couldn’t stay any longer. It was hard enough skating for the man, being around him was becoming too unbearable. 

Oikawa didn’t call after him for which Tobio thanked the powers that be. It wasn’t often you’d meet with an Oikawa who wouldn’t constantly press for information. He settled in a spot of ice a clear distance from Hinata and the other skater practicing and began.

It wasn’t difficult to remember the movements and steps he’d choreographed. They came naturally to him even though he might seem rigid. The difficulty came in expressing the emotions of the music through his movements. Expressing how he broke down listening to He Needs Me by Nina Simone, quietly begging for relief in the form of his feelings being noticed and returned. How desperately he wanted to tell Oikawa how he felt after he chose Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler for his free skate.

He tried to show it in his movements but without the music in his ears he couldn’t truly feel it. His mind kept faltering back to the brush of their fingers before he took the ice and now his eyes searched for him. Flying across the rink he finally noticed that Oikawa had moved, moved to a spot with a better view of the ice Hinata was currently skating on.

How many times would he have to see that expression on Oikawa’s face? How often would he feel resentment that it was never directed at him? Tobio saw a life before him in which he was stuck in the periphery of Oikawa’s vision, never at the center, and he swore it felt like a piece of him died.

In the seconds he took to fall into despair the third skater on the ice, Yaku, and he collided. He felt the shorter skaters’ head whip into the center of his back and connecting directly with the bones of his spine between his shoulders. The impact knocked him forward and off balance, face first toward the ice. Some sort of self-preservation took control and curled his arms around to protect his head but his right elbow hit the ice with a loud  _ crack _ .

“Tobio-chan!”

With some effort Tobio pushed himself up with his left hand, kneeling and looking to Yaku who was still standing and rubbing his head tenderly. He barely had time to breathe relief that he hadn’t injured another skater when Oikawa came sliding toward him. At the same time the pain started to blossom like fire spilling from the impact site and he tried not to cry from it.

“Tobio-chan, Yaku, what happened?”

Yaku’s eyes were wide and apologetic as they stared down at Tobio whose arm was now cradled in Oikawa’s hands.

“I’m sorry Kageyama, I didn’t realize you’d skated so close to me-”

“It was my fault. I was distracted.”

Tobio pushed the words past the tightness in his chest and jaw, feeling guilty that  _ Yaku _ of all people was apologizing to him. Especially when there was nothing to apologize for but Yaku always did his best to take responsibility for his actions.

“Distracted? Tobio-chan you can’t afford to be distracted, look at what you’ve done to yourself! You’ve-”

It continued. Oikawa’s voice was higher than normal, words coming fast and although they were words of chastisement Tobio let himself hear concern. He glanced at Oikawa’s knee and knew the intensity of the lecture he was getting had been given life by the injury Oikawa had a few months ago. It was the reason Tobio would be the only student of their coach skating tomorrow.

Suddenly and seemingly without cause Tobio wished Oikawa would take his injured elbow and rain kisses upon it like his mother had when he was younger. He pulled his arm from Oikawa’s grasp.

“There’s nothing you’re gonna do to fix it. I’ll go to the trainer.”

He saw shock on Oikawa’s face before it filtered away into a somewhat defeated expression. Maybe Tobio had been too harsh.

“Okay. Do you want help getting there?”

And have to deal with more guilt?

“No...thank you.”

He grunted as he stood, putting extra care in his balance. The last thing he needed was to seem unsteady as he left. Standing fully he felt the pain in his back more, unable to hide his wince as he skated away. He made sure not to give in to the temptation to look back.

* * *

Tobio was surprised to find that his earlier estimation of the large man he always saw with Hinata was correct. He walked into the trainer's room to find his hulking figure on a stool that was dwarfed by his stature. He looked to be reading something, attention fully on his task.

“Um,” Tobio coughed, “excuse me.”

Unfazed by the sudden break in silence the man turned around and trained his eyes on Tobio’s figure. No doubt taking in the hunched posture and arm held close to his torso. He gestured to one of the patient chairs.

Closer now, Tobio could see the nametag on the breast pocket of the polo-style shirt. Aone Takanobu. He wondered where his own trainer, Iwaizumi, was but their absence gave him an opportunity to discover the relationship between Aone and Hinata.

His arm was moved, bent, and pressed as Aone examined him. He didn’t speak but Tobio got the feeling that he was checking for a break of some sort. The silence should have been awkward but for some reason it wasn’t. It felt like Aone could be in a roomful of bunnies and instead of avoiding, they’d hop all over him. He wasn’t sure why, but that was the impression he got.

Aone brought over a hard foam block and rested Tobio’s injured elbow on it. It was uncomfortable but he’d had enough injuries to know you had to keep things elevated to avoid swelling. A fabric sleeve was pushed up his arm to protect him from the ice that was now being packed around the contusion. He felt like leftover dinner when Aone grabbed cellophane and wrapped it several times around his arm to keep the ice in place.

“Twenty minutes.”

Tobio nodded, sort of in awe that a man with such a deep voice could sound so unthreatening.  Aone sat back down and continued reading where he left off.

Minutes ticked by slowly and Tobio was itching to talk about Hinata and yet so prematurely embarrassed about asking that he also wanted to rip the ice pack off his arm and run out of the room. Aone was writing something down now, the soft taps of the pen hitting the paper building on the tension inside Tobio.

“How do you know Hinata?”

If he had been a more dramatic sort of person he would have clapped a hand over his mouth. It wouldn’t have done any good anyway, the question was already out. Aone finished what he was writing and slowly turned on the stool to face Tobio.

“We are together.”

Tobio let out the air he’d been collecting.

“Oh.”

Aone seemed to know that Tobio had more questions. He remained still, looking expectantly at his patient.

“Um, how long have you been together?”

“Five years.”

Wow. Longer than Tobio had thought. That meant that they were seeing each other when Hinata had made his senior debut. Was Hinata just flirtatious by nature then? Because it had seemed to Tobio that he and Oikawa had been pretty close. Oikawa definitely had affected his usual kittenish persona whenever they spoke.

But now Tobio had other questions.

“So, how long have you been a trainer.”

Aone’s face seemed to change just slightly and Tobio wondered if he wasn't used to carrying on a conversation for this long.

“Two years.”

That meant that Aone had likely been learning the trade in the years Tobio had seen him. He was about to ask what he did before he became a trainer but Aone suddenly stood. There was a change in the energy of the room and in the massive man before him.

“Sorry to bother you when you're working, I just wanted to check in Kageyama.”

Hinata stood in the doorway grinning wide than Tobio had ever seen and every thought about him being a flirt disappeared. It looked the way Tobio felt when he looked at Oikawa 

Aone said nothing but Hinata continued.

“I know you're always happy to see me but everyone will think I get better care of I come around too often.”

It suddenly felt as if Tobio was missing half of a conversation. Like there were things Aone was saying with his face (which looked unchanged to Tobio's eye) that only Hinata could understand.

Unbidden, sticky hot jealousy melted its way to Tobio's stomach and he scowled. At the same time, something had passed between the couple. Both moved toward each other. Hinata jumped up, easily closing the gap between their heights. His hands held Aone's shoulders during the second he placed a chaste kiss to his lips and then they parted. Aone walked out of the office with what Tobio assumed was a smile and Hinata stayed.

“So, what did you think?”

Of course Hinata would speak right away. It didn't seem in him to sit in silence for long unless he was practicing.

“What do I think about what?”

“Of Taka-kun! Isn’t he just perfect as a trainer?” 

Hinata gushed as he walked forward, taking a seat near Tobio. He didn’t wait for a response before continuing with a softness on his face.

“He’s been the inspiration for so many of my routines.”

Tobio held his breath then. He wanted to ask how Hinata could skate with his feelings on display. How could he deal with showing the world what he was feeling and not want to close off. If he asked though, he feared they would touch on his own routine and he  _ definitely _ didn’t want to talk about his feelings for Oikawa with Hinata.

“It’s sort of like I get tunnel vision when I skate something so personal. I can lock on to just him in the crowd and everyone else is in the background. When I do that, I feel like I can do anything.”

He was quiet then, scissor kicking his legs with a dreamy smile on his face. Tobio wanted so badly to skate with such confidence. How could he when he’d mucked up his routine by adding so much emotion to it. He’d never done well with expressing himself but he’d been alone and listening to as many sad love songs as he could find and while he was crying it had felt like such a good idea.

“Oikawa-san told me you changed your music?”

Tobio nodded numbly. He didn’t even care that Hinata knew, he was busy undermining his decisions.

“Do you know why I waited so long for my senior debut?”

That called his attention. Tobio met his eyes and shook his head. No, he really didn’t know.

“I never had any training. Never had a team or a coach. I had to beg the local rink to let me practice. Some of the instructors there gave me a few pointers but I never had any guidance. It wasn’t until I met Taka-kun that I had the support to compete.

He’s not a coach by any means but he’d been around skaters and coaches for a long time. He played amateur ice-hockey, you see. Very different, but he still knew what skaters needed to hear in order to perform. My entire debut was dedicated to him. Now I have my own coach, old man Ukai saw me and came out of retirement to help me!”

He seemed to get too caught up in his story and stopped himself. It was kind of an amazing feat for him to have come as far as he did, though that didn’t change the fact that Tobio found Hinata to be one of the most annoying people he knew.

“What I’m getting at is: you’ve got to hold on to what you have that makes you want to skate.”

* * *

Tobio had thought all night about his conversation with Hinata. Well, he hadn’t spoke at all, he’d been too self deprecating, but he thought about what Hinata had said. About all of the things he had to overcome to get to where he was. About the relationship between Hinata and Aone. And then, about his own relationship with Oikawa.

He thought about it until he fell asleep and then he dreamed. It wasn’t a new dream created by his subconscious, it was a memory. The other skaters training under his coach refused to help him, or get help from him. He was young but already talented and he used his knowledge to feel superior to others. All others save for one.

Oikawa had been what he aspired to reach. Everything about how he skated was gold medal material. He’d had many to prove that. He was the only person who interacted with Tobio. His words were not friendly, not remotely, but at least he spoke to him. 

The memory faded and another appeared. 

This one was when he realized he’d been so overbearing that people actively avoided him. Everyone but Oikawa.

It faded again, showed yet another.

When he’d finally reconciled with the other skaters and created a tenuous friendship with them. It was based on rivalry, but at least it was more pleasant than being ignored. Oikawa had actually smacked him on the back after.

He woke to a dark room and a damp face.

In each of those dreams Oikawa had been the connecting factor. The piece that Tobio held on to for survival. He didn’t know when his feelings for Oikawa had matured into what they were now, but he knew that those small interactions, the reminder that he wasn’t completely alone, those were the building blocks of it. 

His alarm shook him from his thoughts and suddenly he was buzzing with energy. Today was the day of his short program. He was ready and in the lobby before his coach, drinking milk and attempting to sit still.

Oikawa arrived next, sunglasses already covering his eyes and a coffee in his hand. He wore their matching tracksuit well, he always did, and graced Tobio with a small smile.

His heart fluttered and his face grew red but he didn’t turn away. He  _ wanted  _ Oikawa to see. Besides, he’d be seeing much more emotion when Tobio was on the ice. Letting his blush show was just the beginning.

When their coach arrived everything moved quickly. It seemed as if their car ride and his preparation had been in fast forward because the next thing Tobio knew, they were calling his name and program and he took the ice.

For a brief moment the uncertainty he’d been feeling before threatened to overwhelm him. Then he caught sight of Oikawa. He was putting his headphones in and when he realized Tobio was looking he wiggled his phone triumphantly. It seemed that he’d be listening to the unedited version of the song, the version with they lyrics that Tobio ahd so identified with.

It somehow filled his chest with excitement and challenge. He’d be skating as Oikawa heard the words. It was his job to put emotion to them. He would do it, he had to.

When his music started, suddenly it was all he could hear. The words that weren’t emitted from the orchestral version of the song flowed through him. It was no longer the artist singing, but Tobio.

_ You need me _ he sang through his movements as he entered his triple axel.

_ You don’t know it, but you need me. _

He felt light and spontaneous. He changed one of his double jumps to a triple and caught Oikawa's eye. Though he knew most people, everyone really, found his smile disconcerting, he couldn't help himself. There was something freeing about laying yourself bare. With nothing to hold you back any longer you could see how silly it was to keep everything inside.

How many years of pining could he have avoided if he'd only just come forward before? If Oikawa didn't return his affections he still could have saved himself from feeling as he had, he could have even moved on. Or tried instead of wallowing as he had.

Now, with the weight of his unrequited love off of his shoulders, Tobio could feel his body move differently than it had before. Not in an acute way where you could pinpoint the change, but an obtuse, overarching way. The subtlety emotion lent to a performance was always a finesse Tobio had lacked until today. It was like unlocking a new level in a game.

The last notes of the song faded out before he knew it and there were tears running down his face. It wasn't even his final performance for this competition but he felt he had done himself and the music justice. His blurry eyes found his coach and he stuttered over to him, emotionally drained and raw. He was ushered to the kiss and cry while announcers reiterated his program information, buying time until they received the score from the judges.

_ 104.12. _

It was a personal best for him. Still not higher than Oikawa’s best, but then Oikawa was Oikawa. Tobio’s eyes scanned for him, coming up short and disappointed. He was sure he’d skated with enough emotion to show Oikawa how he’d grown, if not how he felt. 

He never found him.

* * *

 

_ “...When you think of all the great names in Japan’s Men’s ice skating, Kageyama Tobio is poised to become one of them.” _

_ “First quad, quad lutz, (laughter) and into a triple. I’m speechless.” _

_ “These jumps are just, I can’t explain it. I’ve never seen anything so technically perfect as Kageyama Tobio’s jumps.” _

_ “There’s a newfound fluidity in his movements today.” _

_ “He’s smiling, I don’t think he’s ever smiled like that during competition.” _

_ “Triple, no quad, (laughter) a quad flip and a triple.” _

_ “Oh come on.” _

_ “Stunning.” _

_ “He’s already added a quad to his routine, he looks quite loose out there.” _

_ “He’s always been sure of his movements but this is as effortless as we’ve ever seen him. Doesn’t seem to be thinking as hard and yet he’s landing everything flawlessly. Oops.” _

_ “Spoke too soon.” _

_ “Well he’s always had trouble with those.” _

_ “His technical score just keeps climbing though.” _

_ “There’s an artistry there that he’s really struggled with his whole career. I know we’ve mentioned it a time or two.” _

_ “He’s got a handle on it now.” _

_ “Wow.” _

_ “I don’t know if there’s any skater here who can beat or even match that performance.” _

_ “Whatever happened to Kageyama Tobio to lead him to the performance of his career tonight, I hope it keeps him skating like this tomorrow.” _

 

The commentators were still speaking when Tobio turned off the TV. His hotel room was dim with just the small overhead vanity light from the bathroom that he couldn’t figure out how to turn off as his only light source. He’d tried every switch and still it stayed on. 

He felt sort of empty. Like a log that had been eaten from the inside out by bugs, hollow and weak. Why hadn’t anyone warned him that emotions were this draining? He’d always skated for himself until today, never giving himself the change to feel this way. Skating for Oikawa had opened him up on the ice but in the aftermath he wondered how he could do the same during his free skate.

Maybe if he went to sleep quickly he could have more dreams to build up the same sort of devotion and determination he’d had when he woke up this morning. Maybe not. Maybe he would always be empty now that he’d metaphorically vomited his feelings everywhere.

He wondered if he would feel differently if he had seen Oikawa after the performance. He was nowhere to be found, made his way back to their hotel by himself. What, Tobio wondered, would he feel like now if there was sadness on Oikawa’s face? Sad that he had heard Tobio’s call of love through the performance and couldn’t return his feelings. Maybe that’s why Oikawa left so quickly. To spare him.

Tobio threw a pillow onto his face and breathed deep, prepared to scream his frustrations into the thick fabric.

_ Tap tap. _

He stilled. Perhaps he’d just heard someone entering the room next to his.

_ Tap tap tap tap tap. _

He moved the pillow and sat up sharply. It was late, past ten. He should be sleeping, whoever was at his door should have been sleeping. There was a possibility that whatever the person knocking needed from him it was important, or time sensitive. Tobio stood dutifully and walked toward the door.

_ Thud. _

It was light, but it sounded like a package hitting the ground. A gift from a fan who had inexplicably found his room number? He definitely shouldn’t open it. He’d get his coach and have the hotel figure out what was going on.

He swung the door open, well, the door seemed to swing open on its own accord, and panicked when something large fell in him. He struggled for a moment before Oikawa’s hands found purchase on the floor and pushed himself off of Tobio, hovering over him just as bewildered as he.

“Oikawa?”

With the pale yellow light from the bathroom shining on them Oikawa’s face looked red. It wasn’t often he embarrassed himself. Tobio smiled and with quick movements Oikawa had stood, allowing Tobio to stand as well. He’d backed out into the hallway.

“May I come in?”

“Um, sure?”

Tobio was absolutely at a loss. It was unprecedented that anyone, let alone Oikawa, would come and visit him so late at night. Abruptly his heart rate accelerated.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Oikawa spoke haltingly, like he was reading a prompter.

“Yeah, I figured that’s why you came to my room.” 

He didn’t know what came over him. It was just that the whole situation was so  _ absurd _ and now Oikawa was the one struggling with words. In Tobio’s hotel room. With the lights so low that they had to stand close to each other to even see clearly. 

Oikawa’s gaze sharpened and his lips thinned. Tobio guessed he felt it too, the role reversal.

“I want to talk about your program.”

Ah. The quickest way to get back on top in the conversation. Mention something like Tobio’s emotional, wordless confession.

“What about it?”

He could feel himself closing off, the silliness from before worn away. This was what it felt like when you’re sure you’re about to be let down. Tobio lived in a realistic world. It was a place in which he could become a top skater. Where  _ Hinata _ of all people could grow to match him in skill. Where Tobio could even one day surpass Oikawa. But there was no version of his realistic world in which he and Oikawa were together.

“I don’t really know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t really know how to start, where to start.” Oikawa looked away.

Tobio’s eyes were already stinging. There was no need to draw it out. The quicker it ended the quicker he could cry himself to sleep.

“I do.” He took a deep breath. “I know you listened to the words, and I know you watched the whole performance. That’s why you left after. I know it was a lot to put out there so suddenly but it’s been a long time coming and I couldn’t hold it in anymore and instead of coming to you and telling you I performed it. God, that’s embarrassing. Whatever.

My point is, it wasn’t some grand gesture, well it sort of was, but I’m not expecting anything from it. I think that I just needed to get it out and there’s still tomorrows performance and that can sort of be like the end of it. You don’t have to worry about me pining over you, after tomorrow it’ll end.”

He rubbed at his eyes furiously, skin raw and red. He didn’t want to look at Oikawa but he forced himself to. Told himself it would be less embarrassing for himself if he owned up to everything.

“Does…” 

Oikawa stepped forward.

“Does that mean I’m too late?”

He moved again and Tobio stepped back, confused. They kept moving until Tobio’s back hit the wall. Tears were still leaving the corners of his eyes at a slow, steady pace and his heart was beating audibly. 

“What are you saying?”

Oikawa’s eyes were sad as he brought a hand to wipe away Tobio’s tears.

“Did I figure it out too late? Will you still have me?”

“Have...you?”

His confusion must have stirred something in Oikawa because he buried his head in the crook of Tobio’s neck and shoulder. It felt wet.

“I didn’t realize you were going through so much. I thought I was being selfless because I’m an older skater. I didn’t want to take advantage of that, I-I mean I’d already had a gold medal by the time you debued and I felt like I’d be abusing your admiration of me if I-”

Time felt slower and Tobio took in the words rapidly spilling from the man clinging to him. It would need to move even slower for him to take it all in. The words, they sounded like a confession. Like maybe Oikawa had wanted to be with him for a long time, maybe just as long as Tobio.

He tried to accept that explanation but the piece just wouldn’t fit. It was as if his reality had been prepared like a puzzle and this new piece wasn’t part of the set. Oikawa lifted his head.

“I was stupid, wasn’t I?” He said.

And in what little light they had Tobio allowed himself to really look at Oikawa. There were tears shining in his eyes, mirroring his own, but they were so earnest. Laid bare. Just like Tobio. 

“Yeah, you really were.” 

Oikawa looked shocked and Tobio, for once, triumphantly smirked back.

“I mean, everyone knows I’m stupid, but you? Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of genius?”

Tobio was nearly laughing now at Oikawa’s slack jaw and when it finally closed with pursed lips to respond he closed the distance between them. Kissing Oikawa was like pure happiness. Like he could be at his lowest and a kiss would replenish him anew. He vaguely thought of a charging cable before he grabbed soft chocolate hair between his fingers.

Greedy now that he’d gotten it he put everything he could into the kiss, hoping to make Oikawa feel the same so they would never stop. And  _ Oikawa was kissing him back _ just as fiercely. He felt the happiness filling him and swore he could float but then Oikawa pulled away.

His eyes were wide and dark, overcome in the moment. Tobio’s hands were still in his hair and his own rested on Tobio’s chest. He was astounding.

“Don’t think I’ll forget about you calling me stupid.”

Tobio laughed, pride would always be important to Oikawa. He nodded but said nothing, content on taking everything in.

“And don’t think I won’t be teasing you about your ‘grand romantic gesture’, because I will. And don’t tell anyone that I came to you crying, they’ll never believe it. And-”

“Tooru.”

Oikawa choked on his words and Tobio felt warm with the power to make him stutter. He’d called out his name on a whim because it was obvious Tooru was going to keep rambling awkwardly, but now he really, really liked saying it. 

“Can I call you that? Tooru?”

He saw Tooru’s tongue swipe between his lips before he swallowed. Tobio didn't blame him, his own mouth was dry. 

“Definitely.”

“Okay.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Definitely.”

* * *

 

Tooru watched with breath tightly held as Tobio entered the final spin in his free skate and cheered so loud he hurt his own ears when he finished. He couldn't believe he could look so unabashedly now. He didn't have to turn away every time Tobio looked to him. 

Instead, when Tobio's eyes searched for him he blew a kiss and ran to meet him. He could do that now too. He could hold him as close as he wanted with no reservations. He could kiss him, in private, at Tobio's insistence, but he still could.

When they met Tobio gave his coach a tight squeeze before ducking under his arm to get to Tooru.

“You were beautiful.” Tooru whispered when they embraced.

When they pulled apart he saw the same expression that had him running the day before. The expression that made him want to break Tobio's rule of no kissing in public. 

His face was so clear. There were no lines of concentration or deep thought, no calculating glaze to cover his eyes. It was so purely him with nothing to hide behind and his love was expressed so ardently. 

Tobio was bare, and it was for him.   
  



End file.
